Reflections on the Path

November 7, 2009

As I travel down the familiar path today, the one I have traveled my whole life, I find myself lost in reflections of the past.  In particular I’m thinking back to the most difficult period of my life, the time when I seemed to have forgotten my journey and even forgot myself.  Looking back now, after having come so far, it all seems surreal. Was that really me self medicating with alcohol? Was it me who was lost and confused and could not handle a life in which my future was not all planned out for me anymore? It all seems like a memory of a movie I watched, not a life I lived.

I have come so far in two years, yet I still have a long way to go. Because of my time away from the path, hiding in the bottom of endless bottles, I now have so much more work to do. I have only recently returned to this path, and there has been a lot of work to do as I returned. I am often overwhelmed by all that lies before me, how can I have come so far yet still have so far to go? Even in the short time since I remembered there was a path that I was supposed to be traveling, I have managed to see and meld together the many aspects that are me. It sounds like a simple thing, but for the first time in my life, in my journey, I have managed to balance all of the competing characteristics that make up who I am.

As I stroll down this path and see the upcoming fork in the road, this brings me comfort. I see ahead a lot of work to be done and tough decisions to make, but knowing I am finally whole and in balance brings me peace and comfort. I still fear the decisions I face, picking a path to take in the fork frightens me, I want to make the right choice, I fear having to turn back and wasting time, but I am much more at ease over the decision than I have been in a long time.  I now believe that it is true that after the storm there is often a beautiful calm and peace.

There has been so much chaos among the people around my path that I have taken a lot of my path alone lately, and I think it was necessary to allow me time to reflect and think without so many outside influences. It is important to have people you love and to allow them to help you on your path, but when it comes down to it only you can make the right decisions for you, and only you can truly create your path.