Learning to Let Go of Guilt

           Today I am thinking back to my post “Finding Peace on the Path: Learning to Let Go” and I realize there is a major step that has to be accomplished before you can start letting go of all the negative thoughts. Often the root of negative thoughts is guilt. Guilt over actions done in the past, guilt for not being the person you want to be and even guilt over things you had no control over.

            Guilt and regret can be found at the base of most negative thoughts. Regret is the seed of misery and guilt is the root that starts to spread if you allow regret to take hold. These two partners in crime do have some usefulness but it is very limited. When you do something wrong you feel regret and then guilt, these are necessary to make you reflect on what you did and why.  Then you can learn from your mistake but once you have taken a lesson from it you need to release the regret and guilt by forgiving yourself.

            Most of us are much more forgiving to our friends and family than we to ourselves and this creates a lot emotional turmoil. We need to remember that like our friends and family we too are only human and not even we can be perfect! We deserve our own forgiveness as much as our loved ones do and we cannot move on in our path and heal to be better until we forgive ourselves.

            No matter how much you beat yourself up or replay an event in your head considering all you could have done differently, no matter how much you hate yourself for something you have done, nothing is going to change the past because what’s done is done. The only way to make up for the past is to remember the lesson it taught you and take it forward into the future with you and use it to prove to yourself and others that you have learned your lesson and that you are not a terrible person.

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Image sources: http://nwso.net/2009/02/03/can-cheaters-be-forgiven-trust-love/, http://tinyheat.blogspot.com/2008/08/forgive-and-let-live.html, http://www.soapnights.com/2010/07/27/is-it-wrong-of-me-to-be-happy-that-my-ex-died-of-cancer/

            If you feel guilt because you are not the person you think you should be, wish you were or pretend to be to others, it usually stems from repeated guilt over actions that do not match up to your own personal morals or the morals you are allowing others to place upon you. This is a far more common problem than people realize and often it is the hidden source of our problems.

            How then do we know if this is really our problem? There are a few things we can ask ourselves. Do I feel like I am never living up to other people’s expectations? Do I hide a lot of my actions and life from certain people? If the answer is yes to both of the above than more than likely you are either trying to live up to the morals of someone else or you are not living up to your own.

            Someone who lives up to their own morals in general will not hide anything from anyone they love. There are exceptions of course because sometimes our morals are drastically different from those we love. (For example if your family is strict Catholic and against homosexuality and your morals are more open minded).

            Whenever we feel we must hide things about ourselves or our actions it causes emotional stress. There are times (like that mentioned above) where it may be necessary but for the most part it is much healthier to find a way to travel along your path out in the open.

More coming soon on this issue  in “Calibrating your Compass”

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             Guilt over things we had no control over can ironically be some of the hardest to let go. This often stems from having a bit (or full blown) Super Hero Syndrome. We feel as if we should have seen something coming and done something to either prevent it or at least soften the blow. Sometimes it’s even that we did do something but later we think we should have done more.  This guilt over things you have/had no control over makes us feel we are unworthy to be happy. We have to really let go of the guilt and realize it is NOT our fault. It is not our responsibility to control the actions of others or to “save” anyone else. Even if you really believe you should have done something or done it differently it is the same as any guilt, use it to learn your lesson and then forgive yourself.

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             When you forgive yourself and set yourself free from regret and guilt you are empowering yourself to move further on your path and to become a wiser, happier traveler.

You are only human and as humans our perfection is in our imperfection and our ability to learn, forgive and keep moving forward.

Always remember you are worthy of your own forgiveness.