Learning to Let Go of Guilt

           Today I am thinking back to my post “Finding Peace on the Path: Learning to Let Go” and I realize there is a major step that has to be accomplished before you can start letting go of all the negative thoughts. Often the root of negative thoughts is guilt. Guilt over actions done in the past, guilt for not being the person you want to be and even guilt over things you had no control over.

            Guilt and regret can be found at the base of most negative thoughts. Regret is the seed of misery and guilt is the root that starts to spread if you allow regret to take hold. These two partners in crime do have some usefulness but it is very limited. When you do something wrong you feel regret and then guilt, these are necessary to make you reflect on what you did and why.  Then you can learn from your mistake but once you have taken a lesson from it you need to release the regret and guilt by forgiving yourself.

            Most of us are much more forgiving to our friends and family than we to ourselves and this creates a lot emotional turmoil. We need to remember that like our friends and family we too are only human and not even we can be perfect! We deserve our own forgiveness as much as our loved ones do and we cannot move on in our path and heal to be better until we forgive ourselves.

            No matter how much you beat yourself up or replay an event in your head considering all you could have done differently, no matter how much you hate yourself for something you have done, nothing is going to change the past because what’s done is done. The only way to make up for the past is to remember the lesson it taught you and take it forward into the future with you and use it to prove to yourself and others that you have learned your lesson and that you are not a terrible person.

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Image sources: http://nwso.net/2009/02/03/can-cheaters-be-forgiven-trust-love/, http://tinyheat.blogspot.com/2008/08/forgive-and-let-live.html, http://www.soapnights.com/2010/07/27/is-it-wrong-of-me-to-be-happy-that-my-ex-died-of-cancer/

            If you feel guilt because you are not the person you think you should be, wish you were or pretend to be to others, it usually stems from repeated guilt over actions that do not match up to your own personal morals or the morals you are allowing others to place upon you. This is a far more common problem than people realize and often it is the hidden source of our problems.

            How then do we know if this is really our problem? There are a few things we can ask ourselves. Do I feel like I am never living up to other people’s expectations? Do I hide a lot of my actions and life from certain people? If the answer is yes to both of the above than more than likely you are either trying to live up to the morals of someone else or you are not living up to your own.

            Someone who lives up to their own morals in general will not hide anything from anyone they love. There are exceptions of course because sometimes our morals are drastically different from those we love. (For example if your family is strict Catholic and against homosexuality and your morals are more open minded).

            Whenever we feel we must hide things about ourselves or our actions it causes emotional stress. There are times (like that mentioned above) where it may be necessary but for the most part it is much healthier to find a way to travel along your path out in the open.

More coming soon on this issue  in “Calibrating your Compass”

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             Guilt over things we had no control over can ironically be some of the hardest to let go. This often stems from having a bit (or full blown) Super Hero Syndrome. We feel as if we should have seen something coming and done something to either prevent it or at least soften the blow. Sometimes it’s even that we did do something but later we think we should have done more.  This guilt over things you have/had no control over makes us feel we are unworthy to be happy. We have to really let go of the guilt and realize it is NOT our fault. It is not our responsibility to control the actions of others or to “save” anyone else. Even if you really believe you should have done something or done it differently it is the same as any guilt, use it to learn your lesson and then forgive yourself.

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             When you forgive yourself and set yourself free from regret and guilt you are empowering yourself to move further on your path and to become a wiser, happier traveler.

You are only human and as humans our perfection is in our imperfection and our ability to learn, forgive and keep moving forward.

Always remember you are worthy of your own forgiveness.

            

The Most Precious Gift on the Path

                So often on our path we forget so many important things. We strive so hard to find ways to show people we care and to find ways to include them in our adventures rather than leaving them behind. In all this effort and in our many travels we often don’t realize or even forget what the most precious gift of all is.

                Despite all of my introspection and the time I spend on my journey looking within, trying to improve and to help others along the way I somehow missed it myself. Only recently did I realize how much of my best gift I have thrown away, misplaced and given up to those who were less than deserving.

                Our path is never ending; even those who never find their true path are always wandering near it and will for all their days. However our time in this existence is limited and unpredictable.  We can never know how much time we have left; we cannot buy more or go back and take back time wasted.

                Time is the most precious gift you can give to anyone, even to yourself. It is a limited resource, a priceless commodity that once given can never be taken back.  Even the realization of the importance of your own time is a gift.

                It is not a tool to be used against people, for once you withhold it there is no guarantee you will have it to give later. Often on my own journey I have struggled with finding enough time for all those that I love, yet I never realized what importance or meaning it really had when I did make time for some and not for others. I never thought about who actually appreciated my time and who did not, I tossed it to whoever was yelling loudest for it.

                In this new light I see so many things I could have done differently, ways in which I could have better managed my time and directed more to those who truly appreciated it and me. Regret is the seed of misery, and dwelling on the past does no good past the point in which you learn your lesson. The best choice is to move forward empowered with the new knowledge.

                It is a great gift to yourself and to those who truly appreciate you when you realize just how valuable your time is, and how worthy someone should be to receive it. The greatest gift we have to give is our time and attention, and when we squander it on those less than deserving we are stealing it away from those who deserve it.

  image sources: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/02/at_work.html, http://www.electrictime.com/

                I look ahead to my path that lies before me, and now on the back side of my recently acquired compass I can hear a clock ticking away. My own personal reminders of what direction I am headed in, what leads me there, and how precious my time is.

Lost Along the Path

Image sources: http://www.keithparkinson.com/gallery.php?icid=1&nextid=10&img=kpgreeti, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Parkinson, http://www.1zoom.net/Fantasy/wallpaper/13442/z92.6/, http://wolfsmoke.tripod.com/parkinson1.html

                Today I have been thinking about a quote I recently adopted as my mantra. Sometimes as we travel down our path we make discoveries, find new routes, or even discover old habits that although we once thought were healthy or least noble pursuits, we come to realize they hindered our progress and even negatively impacted not only us but all those around us.

                Not long ago I had one of these discoveries and I recognized that it would not be an easy habit to break, so in dealing with it I found a mantra to remind myself. This discovery was one many people over the years have tried to lead me to, but I was too stubborn and set in my ways to see it. Finally though someone I felt a kinship with, someone who had been where I was showed me the glory in the discovery and how much better my life could be after.

                My mantra, like me contains a duality. It doesn’t mean just one thing to me, it has two faces, the one that everyone else sees and the one that I adapted it to mean for me.

“Not all those who wander are lost” J.R.R. Tolkien (via Gandalf in LotR)

                The first meaning which I believe to me the more common interpretation (although put into my own words) is that not all things are as they appear, just because someone wanders off of their path, or strikes out into a new directions that does mean they are lost. They may appear lost, but really they may be on a short cut, an exploration mission and venturing into new and unknown territory with purpose.  In this way I remember that wandering is sometimes okay, and that just because of stray off my path or look to new directions does not mean I am lost or in trouble. If you never look around or wander off the path you will never know what adventures could have been in store for you.

                The interpretation I made up to my own needs is to remember that just because someone is wandering around looking lost does not mean they need me to guide them or give them direction. Even sometimes those that are truly lost must find their own way, for if we try to guide them before they are ready they will never find their own true path.

                Although I find both meanings to be very important the second is the one I remind myself of most often. Too many times in the past I have tried to drag others onto the path, to help them see only to waste my time and even possibly delay their own realization. When we try to help those who are not ready we not only waste our time, but we hinder them for if we always try to drag or carry them they will never learn to walk on their own.

                Until I can control my own urges to drag and carry others with me I must focus on my own path, one that although I have been traveling it, I have been going much slower than I should because of my own selfish desire to feel needed. 

Navigators on the Path

My journey on the path as of late has been a leisurely stroll. I continue but I am taking my time to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me and to reflect on the choices I have made, the things I have seen and the people that have influenced me.

                I recently started off into a set direction but still I can see through the trees the other path I considered and it taunts me. Did I choose the right direction; should I stop thinking about it and pick up my pace? All of this has lead me to think back to what dictates the directions we take on our path and I find myself once again thinking about Navigators*.

                Navigators are the people in your life who offer directions to you as you travel on your path. Usually a Navigator is someone who cares for you and who believes they know what is best for you. However, this is not always the case.

                Although it is not a common occurrence there are those out there who would purposely mislead someone. These people are usually easy to spot and avoid, the real problem is the Navigators who believe they are telling you which way is best, but their inner compass** is not aligned with yours.

                We all have an inner compass that directs us, but most often we cannot sense which way it is telling us to go because of the chaos and distractions in life. It is also common for people to not even realize that the answers can be found within; they do not realize they even have an inner compass that is shouting from within the real direction they need to take. This is why it is so much easier to take the advice of a Navigator.

                Very few inner compasses share the same true north and many have not even settled on a direction as north, but bounce around from one direction to another.  This makes it very difficult to find a Navigator that and can lead you into the right direction. Not only must they really care for you and have your best interest at heart but they must also have an inner compass that is closely aligned with your own.

                When we are lucky enough to find a True Navigator*** we often don’t even realize it because we do not recognize that their compass is so close to our own. The solution sounds simple but of course like all things is much harder to achieve.

                The solution is also one of the most important and most overlooked steps on our journey. It is to find, define and become comfortable with our own inner compass. Once we have accomplished this we can easily find the True Navigators and can make decisions on and about our path with much greater ease.

Image source: http://69.93.196.216/~worklife/images/Compass_on_Woods_Path.jpg, http://www.worklifebalancesolutions.com.au/

                A topic of such importance deserves more attention than I can give it at this moment for my mental fog is falling back into place and I have remembered that I chose this path for a reason. I pick up my pace a bit and put a mental post it up to return to the thoughts on how to tune your inner compass.

               

*Navigators are people in your life, often those you care for, that make suggestions to you of the possibilities that may lie ahead on your path. 

**Inner Compass is what directs us on our path and in our lives. It tells us what is right and what is wrong for us.

***True Navigators are people in our lives whose inner compass is closely aligned with ours and who care a great deal for you. These Navigators can help you see where you need to go and would never lead you astray.  They are a rare and precious gift.

Most important to is follow your inner compass, take the time to get to know your compass, to settle down away from the chaos on the path so that you can actually feel where your true north is!

Social Disease on the path

             Today as I walk down my path I feel the all too familiar anger and frustration building. This happens sometimes, it almost seems like a cycle. As I feel the emotions build I break into a sprint hoping it will help to relieve some of the stress these emotions are causing. I always to try to figure out the cause of my feelings, especially when I find my mind in this dark place, so as I jog along I think. My mind is racing faster than I am and I come up with several possibilities.

                I increase my speed as if I can run away from my problems, or perhaps speed up my thought process with my physical speed. I come to a sudden stop gasping for breath, I hunch over and hold my knees feeling a bit light headed. I wish I just didn’t care, that would make life so much easier. ..

                I have had this thought before and I have in the past realized that some people would say I care too much, try to help too much, to make a difference. It’s not something I can change though, and even if I could I doubt I would. It is one of the things I love about myself and part of what I believe makes me a good person.

                It hits me like a boulder all of a sudden. The cause of my turmoil is not only that I care so much, it’s that so many people today don’t care. They don’t care about the effect their words or actions have on others, on the planet or even their own future. There are of course many different strains of don’tgiveashititis. Some people do care about themselves but not for others or the world at large and some are the opposite, devoting their entire life to the betterment of others and the world and the expense of their own future and well being. The difference at least in these two extremes is that the latter of the two is not blind. They can see that what they do has an effect on others and therefore they devote themselves to making the world a better place. To me this seems the least offensive and even somewhat noble.

                To me don’tgiveashititis is the biggest problem in our modern society, the strains that occur with blindness being the worst. People no longer think about the cause and effect of their actions they seek only pleasure and immediate gratification at that. They don’t care if they are going to cause stress, misery or leave an inhospitable planet to others.

                The scary part about this realization is that you see it everywhere you go. From CEO’s, to politicians (assuming there is a difference between those two), to the angry lady at the pharmacy spitting venomous anger everywhere she goes. Most people will encounter many of the infected as they travel their path. The blind ones will be stumbling and pumping into things not even realizing they are on a path.  Those of you who are caring people may often find yourselves trying to help the infected but I must warn you, the only ones who can find the cure are the infected for it is found within them.

Image Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_Comedy, http://www.gutenberg.org/files/8800/8800-h/8800-h.htm, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_(Dante), http://www.all-art.org/early_renaissance/dante1.html

                Caring and the gift of sight alone make traveling our paths quite difficult at times. The infected stumbling in and out of our path tempting us to try and help those who can only help themselves makes it even more difficult.  Each of us must make our own decisions just as we must make and follow our paths alone, just remember there is only so much you can do for those infected with don’tgiveashititis and because of the nature of the disease they are likely to bring you stress and heartache. Despite the sadness it brings knowing they will never see the true beauty and happiness that can be found on the path sometimes it is best to let them stumble along, leaving us with nothing to do but hope they will someday look within to find their cure. 

Burden’s on the Path

As I walk along my path today I am getting very weak and tired. I am carrying far too much luggage and not all of it is my own. I know I have had this problem for a while, and every time I think I have dealt with it and set down some luggage, I always end up picking up more just down the road a bit.

 It is an age old problem and I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to struggle with it.  This burden is not my own, but yet I take it on as if it is. A lesson I keep trying to learn is that I am only responsible for myself; we all are (with the exception of parents with young children).

 Taking responsibility for others and carrying their luggage for them, stunts their own personal growth and keeps them from building up their own strength so that they can easily carry their own baggage. It is a simple thing to realize this, to understand it, but it is much more difficult to break the habit.

I see a large log ahead and decide to take a rest and this time as I do, I unload all of this baggage onto the ground. Usually when I stop to rest I leave it all on thinking it would be too much work to load myself back up, but this time I will not be picking it all back up. As I sit here now without the baggage I have carried so long, I realize how amazing it feels to be without it.

So much of my journey down this path has been prolonged because of the weight I have been carrying. And so many times I have had to stop to pick up more, re-arrange them and tend to them instead of making the progress in my journey that I should have been.

One of the hardest things to accept is that I alone am to blame. These people did not ask me to carry their bags, I volunteered, I did this to myself. The next logical question is why? Why would I do such a thing, taking on so much that it slows my own journey when most of the people did not even ask for my help?

In my heart I want to answer that I did it out of the kindness of my heart because I want to help others even if it means sacrificing my own progress, but this cannot be true. If it were the truth then why do I continue to struggle with walking burden free when I know it is what is best for those whose luggage I want to carry?

The answer I have found is not an easy one for me to admit, and this leads me to believe it must be the truth. When I take on the burden for others and make them my responsibility I am putting myself in a position of power at the center of their universe. It is an egotistical power play in which I make myself more important in their universe than I should be, for now I have their luggage and if they need it or any of its contents they must come to me. I am in fact making them unhealthy, for I have always said it is unhealthy to feel as if you NEED someone else, yet I am forcing them to need me.  I am again making myself my own worst enemy.

This realization makes me a bit melancholy for perhaps I am not quiet the pure hearted person I thought I was, but yet it also gives me hope. Now that I have discovered the true source and realized how it goes against my own logic and morals perhaps I can successfully change my ways and begin to make more progress on my own path while at the same time truly helping those that I was fooled myself into believing I was helping all along. 

Materialism on the Path

      As I meander my way down my path today I find myself thinking about how things have changed and the effects these changes have on society. I recently came across a quote etched into a tree that read “People are made to be Loved and Things are made to be Used. There is so much confusion in this World because People are being Used and Things are being Loved.” I see a lot of truth in this statement and it worries me.

When I look around at all the people I know, I see too many that put a higher value on the things they own than on the people around them. I wonder why this is, and how it happened and a startling thought occurs to me. Perhaps people put their love into objects because they have been hurt too often by the people around them. Maybe their solution to being hurt by other people was to invest their love into something that could not stab them in the back.

      This realization is even sadder than the original problem. How can you convince people to put their love into something that is bound to hurt them instead of a material object that could possible outlive them and never cause them any pain?

     Although I know the answer, and it seems simple enough, the solution is not so easily realized. People who value material objects over people, do not even necessarily realize their reasons for doing so, and if they were faced with it would not see the logic in my answer.

      I believe that loving and trusting in someone is an investment, and like an investment, you may lose what you put into it, but you may also earn more than you ever imagined. In life some people will be losers and never return the love you invest in them, but ultimately you tried, and took the risk.

      When you invest your love into an object you can NEVER get anything more than you put into it. It will never bring you anymore happiness then the day you first laid eyes on it, and it will never love you back.

I pause on my path and decide to act on my own revelations, actions speak louder than words. I am going to empty out my pack and only return items I need, or that I love because they remind me of a person who has been a win for me and returned my love.

      It is important to periodically take stock of what we have and what we value to make sure we are not wasting our investments. Never dwell on the losers you have encountered, no matter how many there have been, remember the winners and all the love and happiness they have brought to your life!